TOP FIVE THINGS I'VE DISCOVERED SINCE I'VE BEEN SICK

5. Phlegm can be chunky and smooth, just like peanut butter

4. If you drink enough cough medicine, you can wake up on your lawn

3. Dried up tissues can be used to make a decorative kettle cozy

2. If you drink coloured water, your mucus will come out the same colour too

And the number one thing I've discovered since I've been sick is...

1. For some medicine, the terms "orally" and "rectally" are interchangeable

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